


Nostalgia

by WatanabeMaya



Category: Sekai-ichi Hatsukoi
Genre: First Love, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-01
Updated: 2013-11-01
Packaged: 2017-12-31 03:52:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1026932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WatanabeMaya/pseuds/WatanabeMaya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Onodera Ritsu ponders on the concept of love, coupled with the lingering memory of a certain raven-haired boy. / Takano Masamune/Onodera Ritsu. Drabble-type.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Highly Unlikely

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Sekai-ichi Hatsukoi.

The train doors close on the Tokyo Shinkansen, as the subway train begins its trip to send the young editor back to his apartment home. He plops down to take a seat, oblivious to the figure of the raven-haired man at his side, as exhaustion dulls his senses.  
  
His mind drifts back to the boy from the library many years ago, with jet-black hair and eyes the color of murky ink - memory threatening to resurface, and along with it, the love they once had. He wonders if that had been real. Had he really, truly fallen in love with the boy at that time? Or had it just been that he had fallen for the concept of love itself?  
  
It's confusing, really. And he thinks it's best to just push the thought away. Nothing but an interference in his work.   
  
He does not love him.  
  
Anymore.  
  
 _Ah, so he did love him._  
  
But life continues on, and the years pass him by quickly. The world spins endlessly, mercilessly, sparing him nothing more than the fleeting duration of four - or was it five? - and a half months too late for him to voice out his feelings.  
  
So he holds onto them. Cradling the pain of his unrequited, one-sided, little crush of a love in his bruised, beating heart.  
  
And suddenly, without him realizing it, it ends. With the feelings he's held onto for so so long, carried away by the breeze of the midsummer wind; and his words - the words he's been meaning to tell him after all this time - lost in the distant oblivion of time and forgotten memories.   
  
He doesn't love him anymore. He will not love him anymore.  
  
But as his emerald green eyes meet with brilliant bronze, and his pale white hands are embraced by a pair of calloused tan, he feels his tired frame fall into strong arms, and the comforting warmth of another body pressed against his, carefully wrapped around him as though shielding him from the world and all its wrongs. A breath escapes his parted lips, coupled with the name that rolls off his tongue in an almost-perfect manner.  
  
"Takano-san."  
  
He thinks back at the decision he made moments earlier.   
  
 _Maybe, just maybe, a love like this wouldn't be so bad after all._


	2. Against All Odds

It's at times like these that Ritsu wonders just what he means to Takano, and what Takano means to him.  
  
They're not exactly lovers or anything; but given their past, it wouldn't be enough to simply consider them as mere friends. He doesn't know how to act around the man anymore, and figures that maybe it's just best to maintain a strict work-only relationship between them as boss and subordinate.  
  
After all, that's what would be best for the both of them…right?  
  
But he can't seem to understand why the mere mention of Yokozawa's name bothers him so much, and how the idea of Takano visiting his cat – which was found in Yokozawa's apartment, no less – would be enough to send his thoughts into a spiraling abyss of tumult and a painful sense of disquiet and uneasiness.  
  
He doesn't love him anymore.  
  
So why?  
  
 _Could this be jealousy, perhaps?_  
  
It's got nothing to do with him; he has no right to interfere with Takano's life, as Takano has no right to interfere with his.  
  
But the sight of his smile that graced Takano's lips as he turned to face the chestnut-haired girl, exchanging pleasantries all the while, stung the young brunette far greater than any insult his editor-in-chief ever has ever thrown his way. And the silent look in coal-black eyes that told a story of unspoken hurt and betrayal only Ritsu alone could see, pierced the very epitome of his brittle resolve.  
  
There's no way he could explain how he felt to the raven-haired man, when he himself had no clue as to what had been going on.  
  
After all, he shouldn't be loving  _him_ anymore.  
  
But as emotions take over and his restraint ebbs away, his hands reach out, almost suddenly, to grab hold of the elder man's jacket; fists clenched tightly as he clings onto the cloth. He trips over his words as he reasons out to the stoic man, fumbling for an explanation for the inexistence of a relationship between him and An-chan – all in but a desperate attempt to keep him by his side.  
  
"A long time ago, she confessed to me," Ritsu speaks up as his voice shakes with every word. "But I…turned her down."  
  
And for a brief moment, the elder man stops, – and Ritsu is praying praying praying that this would work to bring Takano back to him – clearing his throat before he responds.  
  
"What did you tell her?"  
  
A pregnant silence fills the air – awkward, uncertain, and uncomfortable. None of this had been going according to Ritsu's plan. It was unnerving, to say the least.  
  
 _"I've been in love with someone for a long time."_  
  
Ritsu prods on, fists still tightly holding onto the fabric, as his voice trembles in response. He hangs his head low, resting it on the back of the elder man, as he leans onto him for support. Fear cripples him – the thought of being rejected for the second time.  
  
"I've held her hand, but there's nothing more between us."  
  
 _Believe me._  
  
"It's true."  
  
 _Please._  
  
"So…"  
  
And his mind is spinning and his thoughts are screaming, and all the words are practically just begging for the man not to go, to stay here. Right here, by his side. Now. Forever.  
  
Always.  
  
But his idiotic sense of manly pride still remains and Ritsu just can't bring himself to voice these words out to him.  
  
"So?"  
  
Nonetheless, as his pride attempts to cover up the majority of his feelings, his emotions still reign. His voice cracks and he whispers to the man, a soft plea of pure and innocent need; his words brimming with the feelings he alone cannot bring to himself to admit.  
  
 _"So please don't go to Yokozawa-san's place."_  
  
The stoic man says nothing in response and Ritsu curses himself inwardly for his naiveté. Who was he to think that his words alone could convince the man to stay?  
  
But the tables turn and the tension lifts as their lips collide in a puissant kiss. And as their hands are clasped together, neither of them says anything else lest for the exchange of their breaths. Mouths pressed against the other's own, tongues battling for dominance; he feels himself succumb to the sin of his hunger, as the jealousy is washed away by the warmth of the raven-haired boy's lips.  
  
And there is nothing more that he wants than for him to stay with him; right here, by his side – the warmth of his body carefully enveloping his smaller frame; the soft sound of a heart beating rhythmically against his ears.  
  
 _Ah, yes, just like this._  
  
Now.  
  
Forever.  
  
Always.


	3. Metaphor of the Moon

Onyx eyes lock onto deep emerald as the raven-haired male pushes the young editor onto the floor. Body to body, skin to skin, the coldness of the wood contrasts harshly with the heat of their bodies and the flush of their cheeks. Seconds tick slowly as he fixes his gaze on the younger's face, the weight of his body keeping the boy from escaping his query.   
  
"You're in love with me, aren't you?"  
  
"What?"  
  
He feels the young brunette squirming underneath the mercy of his hold, struggling in an attempt to regain composure and control. He cups the young boy's cheeks – tinged with a faint hue of pink – in the palms of his hands, pulling him close 'til they are both breathing the same air.  
  
 _I'm saying that the one that I'm in love with is you._  
  
 _It has always, always, always been you._  
  
Half-filled beer cans tip over; spilling their contents in the same way Takano's feelings, too, begin to overflow.   
  
"I'm telling you that I love you this much and you're still not satisfied?"  
  
The brunette says nothing in response; the absence of his words only leading to a charged silence that deafens the two and envelops the room.    
  
And it's frustrating, Takano thinks, that no matter how many times he confesses his feelings, no matter how many times he takes his hand and begs the boy to stay by his side– nothing he could say would ever be enough to convince Onodera into realizing just how much he meant to him.    
  
But no matter how many times Onodera breaks him apart, Takano knows that he'll still continue to love to love him the most, more than anybody else in this world.  
  
And his mind begins to spin and his chest begins to tighten as he feels his a familiar pain gnaw at his heart; the raw ache of loneliness, a hollow void of emotion – hungry and yearning and thirsting to be filled.   
  
He wonders if it's the alcohol, but figures otherwise. After all, he'd only had two.   
  
And breaths are exchanged across intoxicated lips, carrying with them so much more meaning than what words alone could convey. Unspoken affection expressed in a single, honest, unpretentious kiss.   
  
 _"How much more love do you need for you to accept me?"_  
  
And it frightens him - the silence that lingers in the air, the thought of rejection, of abandonment. The memory of the boy who had once held him so dear, leaving him behind in this cold, empty world.   
  
It's been ten years that he had loved the boy. Ten years of wanting and yearning and hurting and waiting. Always waiting for him to come back and return to him.   
  
Takano's not as strong as Onodera thinks him to be; he's just a shell, hollow and empty, living and working without meaning and purpose. Hungry and needy and craving for warmth, desperate for Onodera's love and reciprocation.  
  
More and more, he kisses him. Forcibly. Gently. Passionately. With emotions spilling over. Each and every action of his – those butterfly kisses and fleeting touches – marking and holding and claiming Onodera as his own.  
  
Then the night ends as the sun breaks out, dawn taking over as they bask in the light of its rays. He looks at the boy whose head rested atop his arms, and Takano thinks to himself that he is beautiful, in every sense of the word. Bright emerald eyes hiding behind long lashes that fluttered in the midst of his dreams; precious gems that sparked and withheld such shine and promise; innocent and fragile beneath the mask of his jaded and cantankerous front.   
  
Every single day that his eyes chance upon the sight of this beautiful little boy, he thanks  _Kami-sama_ for bringing his savior back to him.   
  
And it is without a single thought of hesitation that he decides that he would give anything to keep the young brunette by his side, to bind him to himself and hold him in his arms, to protect him, no matter what the cost – if all that would mean that he could still hold him like this, for just a little while longer.


	4. It's Only Forever

The rain is falling; dark wisps of stormy clouds overpowering the once calm blue of the sky. It is the same as much as it is different.  
  
It's been ten years since then.  
  
He doesn't love him anymore.  
  
 _Ah._  
  
He  _shouldn't_ love him anymore.   
  
 _"Uhm, I-"_  
  
And yet…  
  
"I…"  
  
And yet…  
  
"I really do…"  
  
But the barriers come crashing down as he remains once again as that young little boy of sixteen years old. Anxious. Trembling. Uncertain.   
  
 _"I really do love you, Sempai."_  
  
And the rain is falling, and his vision is blurring; as his words fall on deaf ears, lost to the air, like their breaths mixing with the chilled weather fog.   
  
His head spins and his mind swims and his thoughts are all too jumbled up to even render him the slightest bit coherent. The green-eyed boy clamps his eyes shut, lashes fluttering with his quivering eyelids.   
  
Neither of them says anything else. Ritsu opts to remain silent.  
  
His hand sweats, amidst the cold, burning with heat from the raven's slightest touch. Long fingers silently wrap around his own, the larger hand cradling his once-clenched fist. Knees buckle, threatening to falter; and yet, as he holds onto the hand of the larger man, he feels his grip tighten and posture steady with ease. A calming warmth fills him up, blood rushing through his veins, as his pale cheeks flush bright with embarrassment.   
  
He doesn't let go.   
  
And his pulse is racing and his heart is beating; resounding loudly from within his tightened chest. A noise so loud that it rivals even the thunderous pitter-patter of the rain slamming mercilessly against the pavement.   
  
"That's one loud heartbeat there."   
  
"It's not mine, I–" the boy stutters, tripping over the words of the response he tries to make out.   
  
"I know. It's mine," came the sly reply of the raven, before locking their lips and stealing yet another kiss from across his freezing lips.  
  
And it's wrong, he knows. But he doesn't stop. And his mind is spinning and his thoughts are screaming, stop stop stop – no, don't stop.  His virtue sucked away by lasting kisses and lingering touches; the taste of the raven's breath sends a fever burning from within the younger's battered frame.  
  
 _Oh God, how he wanted this._  
  
And just like the rain, he shall fall, deeper and deeper into the sweetness of his lust and his long-desired sin.  
  
 _How can something so wrong feel so good?_  
  
It is the same as much as it is different.   
  
-x-  
  
  
And it's when Yokozawa – that dreaded man – asks him to confirm his feelings for the raven the very next day, that Ritsu knows for certain that amidst the fleeting glimpses and the longing stares, there's no more use denying the only response he can give to answer the salesman's query.  
  
 _Yes._  
  
He does love him.


End file.
